Do you want to have children?
Yes. I would like to have children in the future.
We will need to perform a hysteroscopic myomectomy to remove the anterior sub-mucosal fibroid.
As I lay on the table in the ultrasound room at my OB/GYN’s office on Tuesday morning, I was being asked whether or not I wanted to have children in the future and being told that I would need surgery to make that possible. I just turned 30 years old and already my body is failing me at the one thing that I am supposed to be able to do. Shouldn’t I have a few more years to ponder the idea of children before I need to worry about any fertility issues. I am not even married yet! Pete isn’t even here to have this discussion with. Why is this happening to me? Am I broken?
The last two months have been a bit of a roller coaster for me and this past week was not easy to handle. It is true what they say about your health starting to deteriorate as soon as you turn 30. Ever since my birthday at the end of November, I have been plagued with health issues. From two head colds to an obnoxiously abnormal cycle, my thirties are not starting off on a high note. One would think that the worst thing I would need to stress about right now is planning my wedding. I haven’t even been able to think about that because of the other issues I have been dealing with. The worst is that I feel utterly broken to the core. I am a woman. I am in the prime of my child bearing years. My ability to do the one thing that every woman holds dear is being challenged by my own body.
For two months, I have struggled with this fear that my ability to have children was being taken away from me. Pete and I aren’t trying to have children at the moment and I know that we both want to get married before we seriously start talking about making our family any larger. I have so many things that I want to accomplish before I have children. When the doctor asked me that question, I broke down right there on the table. I tried to hold my emotions in but the thought of not being able to bear children when we were ready made me feel like a broken woman.
After the appointment, I walked out my car with a sense of finality and dread. It took two months but I finally knew what was wrong with me. When I left the ER back in December (after a terrible visit), I had more questions than answers and I guess that I assumed I would just need to take some sort of hormone to stop abnormal bleeding. I don’t think I ever expected that I would need to have surgery to correct the issue. My doctor assured me that I would still be able to have children afterwards but that hasn’t helped me deal with the broken feeling in my soul.